October 2021 to October 2023

Here I am at 240 and here I am at 175. What a difference.

Now just to keep what I am doing. I did gain a few pounds since surgery, and I hope to keep shedding a few pounds. Wish me luck. Now only if I had friends in person to do things with and keep active. What a difference a few years make. I still can’t believe I got so fat. I could not see it. I also went from a 40 waist to a 36 waist, so that is not too bad.

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I Don’t Know What It Is??

I don’t get why there are nights I cannot just sleep. Right now, I am waiting on CVS to fill a script for me, as they are out of the medication, and it is to help with sleeping. It will cost $80 but I am willing to try it to see if it will help me sleep. It is called Quviviq and like I said I am just waiting to get it filled.

Right now, I am just sitting here listening to music and really wanting to sleep, so I will try that again in a few minutes. Hopefully, I will fall asleep for a little while. If not, oh well.

animal animal portrait animal world annoyed
Me annoyed

But on another note, I pissed off a friend who was helping me with my computer. After some minor change or checking on an issue I had, the PC would lock up, finally tracked it down to software. He thought I was pissed off at him, but I wasn’t. I think I will just need to do shit on my own and stop asking him or anyone else to help with my computers. I will just try and do it myself and if I fuck something up, then I fuck it up. All I wanted was the audio jack to work on the case, but it doesn’t work, so it is either a motherboard issue, software issue or something else but the audio jack has never worked, and I really wish it did. Oh well, at least Bluetooth works, and I guess that will have to be good enough for now. He does act pissed. Sent him two messages on Facebook and he has ignored them all. Well, two can play that game. But I won’t. I am too old for other people’s shit. So, if it wants to ignore my messages than he can. I just won’t talk to them anymore. Why people must act like cunts is beyond me. Trust me, I know they are getting the messages, and they see them. Oh well. Like I said, I will have to try and do things myself. I am sure I can do the things I need but things are more complicated than ever. But I am sure with patience I can do it, so from now on I will do it on my own. Google videos will be my friend. I also wonder if putting a new audio card in the PC and hooking up the audio cable to it will work or make a difference. I honestly hate Realtek audio, it’s cheap audio and sucks ass. I prefer and I have always preferred Creative Sound Blaster sound cards. They usually have great audio, and their software is not bad. Well, that is enough of that.

Oh, and bought new contacts and they suck ass!! I hate them and can’t wear them. I need to see about a refund or for them to give me something else.

Well, that is enough for now. Sorry for the late, early morning rambling. As always, I want to thank those that read this and for those that comment.

Take Care and much love,


PS: My attempt to make shrimp and cheese grits was a disater.

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It’s been a while. So, how are things?

I haven’t really had any issues since the surgery to remove my gallbladder. I have gained a little weight and that annoys me. I am a 48-year-old, slightly overweight gay guy. NO one is going to want me. Even if I am looking much better than I used to be. My mental health is under control. Other than that, things are all right. However, I am a very lonely person. Which leads to right there I have bad depression, like tonight. Feel empty and alone. Work is great since I to be a CS Process Analyst. It’s a lot of work and I like it. I am so happy that I got this role. Otherwise, I would be unemployed, homeless, and dead. But I digress. I am missing less work under FML, and it is unpaid each time, so as a result I lose a lot of money. My cart insurance when up to $215 a month. When I first started with Progressive. My payment was only $140. I don’t get it. I have a clean driving record. They are basing it on my credit and my credit sucks. But oh well. I drive my car about once a week. The paint is fading. I want to get it painted but I don’t know. My rent is over $1300 that is up from $900 from the last place I lived at for 14 years. I think. It was a long time, but it started to have issues. On the surface my looks okay but under the surface it is a nightmare. Only if I could get lucky on the lotto or something and then I am pay off all my bad decisions. But I had no luck. Trust me, it’s a hard life. Your best friend hardly talks to me much. Some of it has to do with the time he calls me. I am starting work and in our daily morning seem to get in the way a lot. Not much I can do about it. Look, I am happy to have a job and I love my job. It’s fun and I learn so much. I am getting better with spreadsheets, slides, docs. I am becoming a master making Google Forms and then all the data can be tied to a spreadsheet. I plan to talk to my supervisor when she gets back from vacation. I just need to get a feeling of how I am doing. My monthly leadership review is always great. Currently I am in the “Leading” category. Which is good. I just need to do what I am doing, and things will be great.

Well, that is it. I am not sure I can say anymore. Sometimes it’s hard to say what I want to say. The blog helps me get out some of my feelings. Remember I am not a writer so this blog to some may not make any sense. Hell, I am not sure I even understand it. But I guess I will close it out for now. I will write something again.

Last thing is sending good thoughts and vives to one my most awesome person. She is trying to land another role and I hope she gets it. She’s a great person. She helped me with my surgery. Her name is Shannon. Probably spelled her name wrong. Sorry about that. again, thank you for all that you did to help. You are a ridiculously awesome person. Thank you again for being such a awesome friend. That’s it. Bye………………………

Sorry if none of it makes sense. Take care, Hugs!!

Happy Thoughts Sent To All Of You,

Jackamus (Jack)

Posted in Jack's Musings, Personal Feelings, Personal Life Events | Tagged , | 2 Comments

I Survived Surgery

Battle Wounds

Well, it has been an interesting start to the month. I’ve had my gallbladder removed on 08/15/2023 and I am out on short term disability while I take time to recover. Sitting at the computer is limited. If I sit too long, then my stomach starts to hurt. My gallbladder was my first ever sugary. I looked like I was stabbed four times. Well, technically I was. I’ve included a picture of my battle wounds. They are healing nicely but I am still having some stomach discomfort and pain. Eating has returned to normal, which is fine. I am still not using the restroom like I want to. Sadly, a lot of the medication I take for type 2 diabetes causes constipation but the result I get from them is wonderful. I can handle the side effects. My A1C is down to 5.6, so the diabetes is well controlled. I have also gone from 240 pounds down to 172 pounds over the course of the last year or so.

I am thankful to my friend Shannen for being a great friend and taking me to surgery and bringing me home and making sure I was okay after the surgery. She even brought me a little gift the next day and stopped and CVS and got me some medication. I am very thankful for all her help. She came through for me when I really needed a friend. I’ve also included a picture of the Baby Grogu she gave me. It makes me feel better. That was super sweet of her. I just wish that some of my other friends whereas comforting. But it’s okay. It made me think about my friends and the impact they have on my life. Outside of a couple, I really have no friends and I am alone. I just wish others would have stepped up. Anyway, I am moving in from that. I am in a good place right now.

Can’t believe I have been in my apartment for a year now. October 7th, 2023 will have been one year. The apartment has been better than I expected and a lot of the places I need to go are remarkably close to me. However, I always make plans to go to places that are close as I hate to drive to places. I start on my second lease in a few weeks. They have raised the rent by $40.00 which honestly is not that bad. I just wish I were not forced to pay for amenities that I really don’t need or want. I don’t need trash pickup; I can take it down myself. I don’t need cable TV. I am okay paying for internet. Sadly, it is through Spectrum, and I really miss having my Frontier fiber. But I will say that Spectrum has not been bad at all. The service has been good. Since I work from home, I need reliable internet. I also am trying T-Mobile Home Internet and it works great so far. I can see the tower that I get the signal from. Overall, I like the service and will keep it for now as a backup. I do connect several devices to it, so it is using data.

My job as a Tech Support Analyst is going very well. Overall, my performance is Leading and that is an exceptionally good thing. We have some changes coming in September. We are going to be offline 4 days a week and online 1 day a week. 4 days a week we will be working on projects and taking deep dives into the data and trying to make our place of work a better place with better procedures and policies. I look forward to the exciting recent changes. Hopefully, nothing has changed since I have been off work since 08/15/2023.

Well, that was a lot. So, I guess for now, I am done. This was a long, long post and I have no posted since July. So, I wanted to catch up with the very few people who read my little blog on the big, big internet. Take care everyone!!

Bye, love ya, and thanks for being a friend,


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WOW! It’s the 1st of July! So much to say!

WOW! Half of this year is over. Where the hell did the first half of the year go? This year is going by so fast. My head is spinning just thinking about it, or that could just be the Lyrica. HaHaHa. I’ve accomplished almost nothing, but a few good things have happened in the first part of the year. The first thing that was good was I didn’t have to take severance from my job because somehow, I don’t know how, but my interview for Tech Support Analyst somehow went well and I landed the role, and I am incredibly happy about that. Now to hope another layoff doesn’t hit my department which is all digital teams. But then came the layoffs a second time this year, our digital department was spared since we already got hit earlier in the year. But our voice team got hit badly and a lot my friends (well, co-worker friends) are getting laid off between now and the end of the year. Some will be able to stay since the voice team will still exist but will be much smaller. I’ll miss my friends in our voice department who decided to leave. They are all great people and I hate to see them go. I only wish them the best of luck in the future and landing a new role somewhere else where they will be happy. So, this is the first thing that happened this year and I am happy I got to stay and landed a new role.

The second thing that I think is good and it’s a small thing, nothing major. I got an offer of renewal for my lease in June. So, I signed it right away and will be staying in Pasco County for one more year. My new lease will end in October of 2024. And my rent only went up $40.00 so that was a blessing that it did not go up much. I am happy with where I live. It’s usually quiet and very peaceful. I can go for a walk around the complex to get some exercise. So, there is that. That is another good thing that happened to me this year.

Now let’s talk mental health and exercise. As some of you know I do suffer from depression and anxiety and always have. The last few weeks I have been very depressed, and I do mean very depressed. Last week I was in a very dark place. I did not want to be around people, I didn’t want to talk to people and that includes work folks. I just wanted to do my job and be left alone. My supervisor noticed something going and reached out to me but shut her down. I told her I was fine. But then I decided she needed to know what was going on. I hate having to explain that to her, but I had too, and my psychologist told me I did the right thing. So, we had a chat and I advised her of the basics. She was receptive and seemed to understand. We’ll see later how she treats me if it was a mistake. Because on Thursday the dark cloud in my mind started to go away and I felt better. I could see life again because, like I told my psychologist, I was in a bad/dark place. I told him I was looking at which pills would be the easiest to take and be done with it. But it was just thoughts and of course I didn’t take any action on it. So, for those that like me, I am still here to post memes and try to just have fun online. You should also. Now some will ask why did you post this? Well because it is part of my therapy so I can express it. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about things, so I express it all out in my blog. As many of you know I am not a writer, but I do attempt to make this readable for you. I am also incredibly happy that some people do read, and I love the comments of support you send me, those are important to me and make me feel like someone else is listening and that they do care. Connie and Cindy, your comments are so nice, and I love them, thank you both for the love and support. It means a lot to me.

Well, that’s it. I got another blog post done. Wonderful way to start the next half of the year. I hope the second half of the year goes well for me and everyone else. Both mentally and money wise. Thank you all for the support and love.

Take Care and Much love to all of you,


Posted in Depression, Healthcare, My Mental Health, Personal Feelings, Personal Life Events | Tagged , | Leave a comment