Tue. Sep 28th, 2021

Some days I sit here and think about death and suicide and I sometimes feel a overwhelming sense of relief and that the pain and suffering would be gone. No more worries, no more stress, no more worrying I’ll never find a boyfriend/partner, no more money worries, no more work worries, no more debt, no more depression, no more anxiety, no more fear of people, no more fears of being judged by friends, coworkers. No more hidden judgement about what I buy, no more anyone talking behind my back, no more worrying about leases, loans and taxes, no more fear of driving, no worrying about how loud my music is, no worrying about people judging the music I listen to, no more worry I’m not in anyone’s league. Read my previous posts you’d understand why. I lost the genetics lottery. No looks or brains, just a nothing nobody! That’s all I am and will ever be is a nobody. I live in a Constant state of fear and worry. Etc, etc…. Nothing. It will all be finished. It will all be over. What a sweet release it will be! Now, it’s just a matter of getting up the nerve, wrapping up my affairs and downsizing to make the clean up after me to be minimal. I have no family or friends in Tampa to clean up my affairs. I’ll be buried in an unmarked grave, as no one would claim my ugly body!

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