Tue. Sep 28th, 2021

So much on my mind, so very much. Was watching a show that talked about a guy who committed suicide. Of course, the family doesn’t believe it was suicide. They believe someone murdered him. He didn’t leave a note. If I ever plan to do that and sometimes, I really do think about it. Sometimes daily. But I am just too chicken to do anything. I am not really sure I would be missed. Again, welcome to my most depressing blog. That is usually all that I post here. I’d rather post my negative and depressing shit here. I’ll post here for as long as my friend Jason hosts my blog on his web server. Still, not a people read it. I can’t believe I am still up. I am normally in bed by 10PM. But I took some medication for my nerve damage in my feet. Now I am scared to go to sleep. I will go to sleep soon. Just watching crap on Hulu. Also, trying to adjust to typing on my Razer laptop. Kind of feels weird to type on. But I am getting used to it. I did a few upgrades to make run better for me. I want 64GB ram in it, but that is costly, so 32GB will have to do for now. Also, it has two 1TB Western Digital Black 750 M2 drives. These suckers are fast. I tried to get someone to chat more with me, I reached, tested the waters and the person just didn’t bite. So, oh well. Guess I will watch the pilot of Alf. I loved this show. It’s too bad it was only on for 4 seasons. I try so hard to be friendly but I have a big mistrust of people. I don’t trust them. I really don’t trust anyone. I have a pain in my right arm that won’t go away. Hurts bad. I don’t know what happened or why it hurts so bad. Anyway. That is all I got to say. No, I have little more to say. I need to win the lotto or some into money somehow. Pay off all my debts that are killing me. But no one cares and I guess it my own fault for all this shit. I am also so tired of sticking myself with insulin and Ozempic. Just so tired of it. But I have no motivation to do better. I am a pretty sad person if you ask me. Oh well, what else can I do……….. I just do not know how to make the best decisions but of course I get judged harshly. I am so fucked and screwed. I am totally overwhelmed. Feels like I am drowning and no one is throwing me a rope or a float to rescue me. Sigh…………

Leave a Reply