Thankful Yet Depressed and Sad

Thankful Yet Depressed and Sad

Wow, 2021 seems to be flying by. Let me say a few things I am thankful for. Since I post so much depressing stuff, why not something a little positive and then I will go negative. As I type this I am listening to worship services I recorded off WCIE 91.1 when it existed. I was still in high school when I recorded all the tapes. I converted most to digital.

I am glad I am vaccinated and thankful that I have not got COVID. I am thankful I can go to movies and enjoy the movie going experience, I wear my mask and stay away from people when possible. I am thankful that I was able to go grocery shopping. I got mostly what I wanted but due to a lack of funds I could not get everything I need or wanted.

But as always I am still depressed. This seems to be an ongoing thing for me. When thinks look bright and good, then something comes along to fuck it all up. I found a mouse the other weekend a live in my toilet. I flushed that fucker down the toilet. Then I proceeded to flush about 20 more times to make sure that bastard was gone and hopefully dead. I then had to spray some repellant to hopefully prevent others from coming. I can handle most things but mice make me feel violated. That really put me into a tailspin. My whole week was fucked. Loss of sleep. I would wake up in the middle of the night and look for mouse poop. For a couple nights I did. That last few I have not, so we shall see.

I like where I live. I know it has it’s issue but for the most part it is a nice and quiet place to live and work, since I work from home. Even working from home is growing old. Even though I have a 2nd bedroom for my office and I don’t do much else in there. When I get off work, the lights go off in the office and I do not go back in there unless I need something. It’s my way of separating my work life from my home life. I have easy job for the most part, but upward mobility is limited unless you want to suck up and kiss ass. I refuse to do that. So I will probably stay as a lonely peon. I am good with that. Now if I could learn to make sound financial decisions. Guess I will learn to eat less food and only when I need to. I lack all skills to do that. Hell, I lack a lot of skills. I am a worker bee. I am not a warrior, queen or king. Just a simply peon.

I guess that really is about it. Nothing major has happened. This is my life, a sad one, but my life. Maybe one day I won’t be so chicken and I will be able to do something I have wanted to do for years. We shall see, I am just not that brave yet. I hear stories about others and I am like, how did they get that courage up to do it. Well, that is all I have for now. The weekend has nearly come to close and it will back to the grind to make some money to help pay my bills.

Bye For Now, Jack


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