A Lot Is Going on in Life Right Now! Very stressful.

A Lot Is Going on in Life Right Now! Very stressful.

A lot is going on right now—lots of stress related to work and personal life. My weight is increasing, and I keep going from 180-185. I am stuck in that range, which is better than the 240 where I was. Still hasn’t helped me land a boyfriend, partner, or whatever else you want to call it. Which I guess is fine, I suppose. As I have said before, I always fall for the wrong person, and get a crush on the wrong person and if you are reading my blog that person might know who they are, even though they are straight, but that is all right. They are nice and handsome people.

Healthwise everything is going well, other than getting old and about to be forty-eight soon. I’ll be honest, I thought I would be gone from this work before then, but I am hanging around, but I often don’t understand why I am hanging around. I have absolutely nothing going for me now. Diabetes is under control, my last A1C was 5.7 which is good for someone with typ2 diabetes. I do feel better with it being under control but damn, my feet hurt nonstop. The medication doesn’t help and I now I only take Lyrica when my feet are hurting. They hurt bad at night making me want to cut them the hell off, but I know I can’t do that. And as we type my feet are feeling so damn bad. I need to talk to my doctor to see what else can be done. The pain keeps me up at night.

Work is in flux right now. In less than 23 days I might be unemployed, and my position with where I work is being eliminated. I got that notice on 02/17/2023. Never in my life did I think I would get a notice like that. I have no ill feelings toward the company or co-workers at all. Most are great and I have known them for many, many years. I have applied for a few other roles, and I do have an interview for one as a Sr. Tech Rep. I am nervous about the interview, but I think I will do all right. I just must try and NOT be nervous. I’ll take my beta blocker before the interview, so that should help me stay calm and focused. But again, I have nothing but wonderful things to say about the place where I have worked for 22.5 years. I’m okay with whatever happens but I would like to stay with the company and continue my lengthy career. They have always been good to me and fair and really came through for me when my mother died when I had to go out on Long Term Disability when I was having to deal with her passing. I still miss her every day as well.

It just seems like sometimes I can’t catch a break. In 2022, I lost an apartment I lived in for 14 years, even though it had some serious issues, I liked where I lived. It was nice, quiet, and peaceful. Also, in the middle of everywhere I go. Now I am in a place I am not familiar with but at least some of the places I go to are close and easy to get to. I will say that traffic really, really sucks here as well and anyone who really knows me knows that I hate to drive. It’s one of my least favorite things to do in life. Then of course this month, I got the notice that my job is being realigned and I was just starting to get my head above water. Now I might be drowning again. I need a real break. Can’t I just win the lotto or something and pay off all my bills and just get ahead for a little while? Just a little while is all I ask. I don’t know why it seems like the universe I’m out to get my life hell. I just want one break. Oh well, this is my lot in life.

Pretty moving colors

I’ll just sit here in my lonely apartment, listen to my worship, praise music, and watch all the nice colors that are flowing on my ceiling and try and relax and go back to sleep before I have work in the AM. I’ll upload a video. It’s pretty cool. Just lying down and watching the colors can sometimes be relaxing.

Well, that is all that I have for now. I really do hope that you read the blog. I love reading comments, when and if I get them. This blog is very personal and helps me with my mental health by being able to share things. Not that it brings anyone closer to me, but it is my outlet to share my feelings and my boring lonely life. Well, thanks for reading this far. Hope to hear from you soon. Thank you for all your support.

Take care,



  1. Connie Knight

    Thanks for the update, my friend. You have made strides in your health and that is to be celebrated. I am very proud of you. Hopefully, things will work out for your job. Love reading your updates. Love you, my Grumpy Brat!!!

  2. Bryon

    I hope all is well. It sucks to lose a job, but you’ll find something else. I can’t believe you’ve been with them that long! The longest I was ever in any job was in Fayetteville (9 years!) though my current job is starting to get up there (more than 4 years already. That’s not bad, when you consider that I thought I wouldn’t make it through the first week.)

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