This day is nearly over!
This day is nearly over!
It’s been a boring weekend so far. No excitement, no plans. I did go to Publix and bought some soda and piece carrot cake. Yummy. I had a small piece after I had a little bit of lunch. Some days I wish I had an eating disorder. I’d like to be skinny and desirable. Well, we know that is not going to fucking happen.
We have had a lot of rain today. Where I live the roof was going to be re-roofed, (I do not know if that is a word) but because of the rain they will now be waiting till Monday. Just great. Monday I am working. I really don’t want to hear banging all day. Probably going to have a massive headache and be bitchy. I took a small pic of the weather.
It should be raining for the next few hours. As long as the roof stuff doesn’t come flying off and hit my car, I don’t care if it storms. I actually like storms. Love the thunder and the lightning. When it thunders loud it kind of scares/startles me. We just have a few hours left of rain. So, in the meantime I have the radar up on my other screen so I can see what is coming. Also, somewhat paying attention to Dateline. It’s a story of sex, murder and cheating. That is what most of their stories are. My favorite person to watch on Dateline is Keith Morrison. He just has a way of telling a story.
Well, I think that is all I have for now. Going to watch some more TV. I have a lot to still watch, and I do like to save somethings on Sunday. Mood wise, I am still depressed. Only on one medication to manage it. I am shocked that nothing else has been prescribed. Hope if read this, you liked it. Forgive any mistakes. I am not a writer. I always wish I could do that, but I haven’t been blessed with any talents. I am not even a foot note in history. More like a small period or maybe even a comma. I hold out hope that I will meet something who is into me and the things I am into and vice versa. I speed every night and every day alone. I spend them alone and then I go to my “dark place” I am mostly depressed, and I do think about what it would be to die by my own terms. OK, I am done now. Thanks for reading. I tried to keep it light today but that would not be me. So, I end this post with depression.
Take care. That’s all I got for now. Will post again soon or sometime in the future. Whenever the mood strikes me.
As it seems to be a theme with me, I will go months without posting. Sometimes it’s because I have nothing to say or I have something to say, but trust me, it’s so dark you might now want to read it. Hell, not sure I even want to read it. It’s been almost one week since the time change. Not sure how everyone feels about it, but I kind of like the later days with more sunlight. With more sunlight I am supposed to be less depressed but that does not always work. Sometimes it makes it worse. When it gets darker earlier that is when a lot of people get more depressed. I only like it from the standpoint that things are cooler inside. I live in an older place that does not protect much against the elements. I have fans in every room. I turn them on when I am in different rooms, and they blow on me and keep me cool. I sleep with 2 to 3 fans, mostly because I like the noise, but I also keep cooler during the hotter summer months which will be upon us soon.
On the health front things are copasetic. I am off of insulin now. I just take a couple pills and another medication that helps with the sugar levels. But not has much as I thought. My numbers seem to be all over the place. I have a visit in a few months, and we will revisit the insulin. I still have plenty, so I might start using it from time to time to keep the sugar under control. I took a little tonight, 20 units, to see how it impacts my numbers overnight and when I wake in the AM. What’s the worst that could happen? Oh, I could answer that question, but I might not like the answer.
Social life is the same. By that I mean, I have NO SOCIAL life. I go to the movies, once in a while now. I don’t go as often as I once did. I honestly hate people sitting next to me. COVID has not made that any better. People are in general nasty and unpleasant to be around. I also hate having to drive. Traffic in this damn city sucks. People drive like assholes. You have to be on your guard because some asshole could hit you, total your car or worse yet, kill you.
This month also marks 5 years that my mom has been gone. I still miss her every day. I think she would have been 74 this month. Time sure does fly by. Just like life flew by me. I’ll be 47 this year and what do I have to show for it? Not a damn thing. I don’t have my own place, meaning owning a home. I have a decent job and it pays the bills. But it’s a struggle from check to check because I am piss poor with money. Also, that and I take a lot of unpaid FMLA time. I think this past week I worked a total of 10 hours. The rest of that was FMLA time, some paid and some unpaid. However, the paid bucket has ran out. More bad time management planning. I just had to get my FMLA recertified for another six months. Then we do the paperwork dance again in 6 months.
Mental health wise that is still a roller coaster. Ups and down, but lately more downs than ups. Time to time I think about suicide and how much easier that would be for me! Sometimes I feel so depressed that when I think about suicide, I suddenly feel relieved. Let’s be real, it’s not like I would be missed. Only one person calls. I have one person from work who at least sends me a text each morning tells me good morning. One day I am afraid she will no longer get any replies from me. But for now, I’ll answer the one person who calls and the one person who texts me from work. Other people do text from work time to time, but they are hit or miss and people I have never met in person, since we work from home. Or people I know in passing from when I worked in the office building. I do like working from home. More freedom and I can free ball it and no one are the wiser. Been working hard to clear out a lot of stuff. Making the place less cluttered and cleaning out the closets. That has been the biggest job. I never realized how much junk I had or accumulated. I tossed out 75% of the Christmas stuff. I think I still have about 3 or 4 boxes. That is next. I need to go through all my clothes and toss out what I can no longer fit in to. I have tossed so much junk. Boggles the mind. Like I said, I still have a ton to go, and I will get it to it slowly.
Ok, well that is all I got for now. Take care and hope you visit again soon. Which I know no one does. One or two hits a week. LOL.
Here is the latest installment of my experience being in Phase III Human Trials for a COVID Trials of the Novavax Vaccine. Most of the trial has been easy to get shots, (three so far, 5 if you count the two placebo shots) reach out to staff at USF/TGH who are conducting the trial. I have not had any adverse side effects with the first 4 shots (two placebo). The main issue with the first 4 was pain at the injection side and some tiredness, but that could also be because I was up early worried about finding the right place. The 5th shot or booster shot was a little different. The first day my arm hurt really bad, but nothing that would impact my daily life. The first night, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, but I started shaking so bad, it felt like have a seizure. The shaking was really bad and scared me a little. It passed, I fell back asleep and woke up the next morning. Next morning, I just felt tired with a general feeling of not being well. As the night approached that passed. I felt a ton better and today I feel back to my normal self, other than a headache. I simply treat that with OTC meds. I have been very happy to be a part of these trials knowing that I am doing a small part to help my fellow human being. The trial should be running for at least another 12 months and a few appointments between now and then.
That’s all for now. Take Care!