Well, I have not had a lot today or on my mind lately. I feel like I am in a good place mentally. At least for the time being. That will change in time. I have my UPS and my DOWNS. It comes with being bipolar I suppose. One day when I can find a good doctor to treat it, maybe I will seek treatment again but for now I will have to manage it without help. The doctors are too expensive and want to nickel and dime you for anything you might need. Some good news I got my…

Some days I sit here and think about death and suicide and I sometimes feel a overwhelming sense of relief and that the pain and suffering would be gone. No more worries, no more stress, no more worrying I’ll never find a boyfriend/partner, no more money worries, no more work worries, no more debt, no more depression, no more anxiety, no more fear of people, no more fears of being judged by friends, coworkers. No more hidden judgement about what I buy, no more anyone talking behind my back, no more worrying about leases, loans and taxes, no more fear…

I miss you, I love you. If there is a afterlife, I hope I get to see you again. I hate being without you. Also, I am sorry for being a bad son sometimes. I love you!! Mommy