My manic high phase is over. It’s now time for the manic depression phase. Ugh, Now if I could find a bridge to drive off of. Oh wait, I know of a bridge. Lol! That would be too painful. Pills or insulin would be easier.

I miss you mom! I love you with all my heart! I feel dead and empty without you. My true best friend and only person who never judged me but loved me unconditionally! Maybe one day soon I’ll see you again in heaven if that is even a place!

Well, I have not had a lot today or on my mind lately. I feel like I am in a good place mentally. At least for the time being. That will change in time. I have my UPS and my DOWNS. It comes with being bipolar I suppose. One day when I can find a good doctor to treat it, maybe I will seek treatment again but for now I will have to manage it without help. The doctors are too expensive and want to nickel and dime you for anything you might need. Some good news I got my…

Some days I sit here and think about death and suicide and I sometimes feel a overwhelming sense of relief and that the pain and suffering would be gone. No more worries, no more stress, no more worrying I’ll never find a boyfriend/partner, no more money worries, no more work worries, no more debt, no more depression, no more anxiety, no more fear of people, no more fears of being judged by friends, coworkers. No more hidden judgement about what I buy, no more anyone talking behind my back, no more worrying about leases, loans and taxes, no more fear…